


Inarticulate

by Ephen



Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: M/M, gently scoots this by the neighbours trash bc it's not mine, it was done at like 3am but i just 'polished' it yknow, tyler's name is never used, woops /:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 07:27:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9425714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ephen/pseuds/Ephen
Summary: He loves Ethan, he can openly admit, and it pains him to think that Ethan doesn’t know how much he does.





	

**Author's Note:**

> helo im blue and cant how to handle my own feelings so i project them onto other people to make it seem like im okay and can handle how i feel

His heart swells when he looks at him. He feels the ache in his chest, the overwhelming sensation of utter adoration and _love_ he feels, the pining urge to _touch_ and _feel_ and _experience_ everything Ethan wants to offer him.

He loves Ethan, he can openly admit, and it pains him to think that Ethan doesn't know how much he does. 

When Ethan smiles, he feels his eyes lost in each detail he shows during that expression of happiness.

When Ethan skims his fingers along the knuckles of his hand before holding it so gently, he feels warmth all across his skin, yet a shiver still plagues under his flesh and bones, wracking deep into the core of his body.

When Ethan _kisses_ him - soft and sweet and just a simple press of lips - he feels like he's breathing his first breath and experiencing his life all over again; it's like an out of body experience that he can't get a hold of, grasping at Ethan’s fingers gently to ground himself before he gets lost in the bursts of reawakening nebula in his chest and filling him with all the colours he's ever known.

Sometimes it's too much when Ethan looks at him instead, and he has to turn away before he falls too deep into his aching chest again. It's too much to feel like this.

Ethan doesn't know, can't know how strongly he feels when it's hard to describe to himself how he does. It's overwhelming and sometimes he wants to cry thinking of the weight in his stomach, the painful ache still in his chest, because he just simply _can't explain_ what he thinks of Ethan.

Other times, Ethan looks at him and he feels too sick to bear it. He loves the boy too much that it hurts to think that he might let Ethan slip away one day. He doesn't think Ethan will, but it hurts to think like that. It hurts to think that only touch can be expressed because the words just won't come out.

He loves Ethan’s touch too. He expresses everything to easily through each brush, each firm hold that is used. It's hard not to be envious.

Ethan’s fingers are a musician's fingers; they're calloused on both hands, yet the fingertips that hold his face with each kiss are the softest things he feels. Each knuckle is stiff from his hands being cold and bent in shape when pressing onto the fret, but they still bend pliantly, still move under and with his touch when he grasps his hands between his own. The palms dip into bone easily from the curve of the instruments body, but still remains smooth to hold against his palms.

When those same fingers touch his face so softly, he doesn't know what to do with the two hands attached to his body. 

Does he hold Ethan’s face as they kiss? Trail his fingers down the curved spine, touch each dip and bump in his skin, memorise each pattern in his skin? It's hard to think when he's being taken over so easily, his senses go numb as if the world soon follows to lose itself in Ethan’s touch. 

“I love you,” He mouths against soft lips. “You're beautiful, you're breathtaking, I love you, I love you, I love you.” It's soon whispered likes it's a secret for only Ethan to know, like nobody _needs_ to know but Ethan. 

And, honestly, they don't need to know.

It's the only three words he'd be happy with knowing for the rest of his days if it meant he could feel those same lips smile against his; when feeling the soft turn of Ethan’s mouth to form a dazzling, shy smile and a gentle protest to follow is something he feels too grateful for.

There's jokes about how whipped he is for Ethan. He laughs, but he feels that ache again when he remembers he would bend over backwards just for Ethan. He would try and move the moon to settle outside Ethan’s window if it meant seeing him happy. He'd take all the stars out the sky for Ethan and hand wrap them himself, if he could. 

Sometimes he hates himself - for how smitten and head over heels he is. It ruins him inside and out. It makes his eyes sting unpleasantly at how much he adores Ethan without being able to tell him _just_ how much. It frustrates him how he _can't say_ how much he adores the boy.

Maybe one day he’ll find the words. He’ll find the perfect string of words to say how much he loves Ethan and how he physically feels weak to simply think of him. For now, “I love you,” wraps all his feelings into one.


End file.
